my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
