is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
