I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
