No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
