and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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