apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
