who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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