Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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