I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
