glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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