so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
