By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
