plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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