Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
