Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
