i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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