i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
