They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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