If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
