My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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