She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
