dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
