Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
