I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
