I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
