he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
