I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
