Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
