I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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