she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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