My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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