We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
