Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
