oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
