Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
