Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
