There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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