I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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