Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
