Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
