he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
