my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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