Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
