ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Still dying that you shit outside
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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