You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
