genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't EVER smell your tampon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
