I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
