11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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