Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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