Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
