Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
