I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
