You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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