I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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