Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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