Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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