3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
