If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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