Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
