I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
